Thursday, December 28, 2006

WooT. =)





The Gentleman

Deliberate Gentle Love Master (DGLMm)

Steady & mature. You are The Gentleman.

For anyone looking for an even-keeled, considerate lover, you're their man. You're sophisticated. You know what you want both in a relationship and outside of it. You have a substantial romantic side, and you're experienced enough sexually to handle yourself in that arena, too. Your future relationships will be long-lasting; you're classic "marrying material," a prize in the eyes of many.

It's possible that behind it all, you're a bit of a male slut. Your best friends know that in relationships you're fundamentally sex-driven. You're a safe, reliable guy, who does get laid. In a lot of ways, you're like a well-worn, comfortable pair of socks. Did you ever jack off into one of those? All the time.

Your exact opposite:
The Last Man on Earth

Random Brutal Sex Dreamer
Your ideal mate is NOT a nut-job. He is giving and loving, like you, but also experienced. Avoid the The False Messiah at all fucking costs.


CONSIDER: The Gentleman, someone just like you.

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: Axton_Z

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Christmas Woes.

Christmas has come and gone...
But somehow, Christmas this year doesnt feel the same... in fact, it doesn't even feel like Christmas at all...

Including today, I have been in church for 7 days in a row already...

Band practices, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day service, Youth party... I'm like going nuts lah....

In fact, I'm starting to feel really overstretched and overworked... =/

But whatever the case, I'd really like to thank a few people...

1) My mum and dad for getting me a sleek Sony Walkman series NW mp3 player

2) Jeanette for getting me a totally cool Shonan-Ai book, with help from Mas!

3) Simon and Haryanto for getting me a huge, really expensive box of my favourite crunchy nougets!

4) Victor, my elder bro for getting me a jumper-jacket from Samuel and Kevin

5) Michelle for sending me haircut vouchers (I get what you mean)

6) David for my protein powder!! x)

7) Clara (tudi!) for making me a really nice cheesecake!

8) All the Agape Youth for all the really neat presents!

9) My didis, Josh and Terence for the.. umm.... thingie you all were trying to make... xP ok lah... its nice..

10) Thanks Dominic for being there for me... through this Christmas..


This year I got really little presents... Maybe its not such a good idea to put up that wishlist thing... i think it turns people off...


I was talking to my mum, and as usual, when I talk, my mind starts to filter and rearrange my sentances and I create a "chart" of events that has been happening...

and I realized something, it didnt struck me before...

There is a reason why I'm only a "synthesist" in the youth... I'm not in charge of events (*not even offered to), I'm not a worship leader, I'm not a youth leader, I'm not a cell group leader, I'm not even part of the agape youth "committee".

It struck me. hard.

Its not because I'm incompetent, because I've been in many many leadership postitions before and have an outstanding testimonial of achievements...
Its not because I'm a new Christian, c'mon, 19 years in one church?
Its not because I'm inexperienced with people, coz in fact, I can relate to many people much better then the youth leaders can...
Its not because I do not know how to be a WL, coz I've led congregations that are 10 times larger then the entire church put together....

There was actually no reason that I shouldnt have even a minor position to prod suggestion in the youth.
Me, an agape youth memeber for 7 years.

The reason is because. *drumroll*

tada.

I'm gay.



When it hit me, I actually said "what the fuck" out loud.

In fact, I feel used.

Really used.

Like mega, ultra, used.


Like, I've been serving the church for 10 years?.

Right. I'm serving God.

I forgot.

jeez. I really dont know what to say!


frankly, i feel like giving up everything and letting the band fend for themselves.

I doubt they can remember the time when there wasn't a synthesist around.

If they dont lose it, they know how to treasure it right?


right.

I think I'm going to disappear.

Like take a long break. maybe permernant.

I'm sick of being used, discriminated and overlooked.

I'm a synthesist.

I'm your only synthesist.

I'm your best synthesist.



i wonder. if I go, the ASH will disintegrate.

hurt? ow.

I'm sick of everything.

Friday, December 22, 2006

His blog is gone... forever...

Before I start anything....

I would like to thank all the readers of Dominic's blog...

In life, nothing is permernant... some things disappear, some things wait to disappear...


Many people think that it is silly to blog... that blogging is for angsty teenagers who need a release on life...
These people do not understand blogging at all...

Do I love Dominic?... Am I ranting it all out for attention or self mollification?

No. Without people reading my blog, I would still blog... without having an eventful life, I'd blog my thoughts on having an eventful life...

My blog sets my goals, calends my priorities and archives my thoughts...

I love Dominic, with all my heart....

100%... 101%... 102%... and it gets more and more each day...

no... its not a crush... or I'd have drop everything a long time ago..



Dominic's parents requested him to delete his blog...

Everything is gone.

Memories, feelings, thoughts...

By doing this, they have achieved a few things:
1) They have made months of his past memories irretrievable
2) And thus, he might change.. for the better?..

I guess...

Being a Christian, born in a Christian family, raised by conservative Christian parents, I know how they feel..

But I'm glad, most of all... that they said this :
"No matter what path you take in life, we will always love you..."

... I cried silently when I heard that...

Its hard isn't it?

Letting a child whom you kissed, hug, held and comforted, nagged, scolded and cried over for 18 years...
letting him choose a path... which you believe has no future...

Letting the child whom you love so much, be loved by another person...

If I tell you that I'd give my world for him, would you believe me?..


I don't believe I'm not good enough for him... And I believe that I'm more then capable of providing a brilliant future and being a loving and faithful companion to him...


I'm so scared for this Sunday....
Its the first time I'm actually frightened of something that I know I ought not to be..

What if they don't like me?
What if they think I'm not a good "type" of person?
What if our personalities clash?

what if...


Would you love me like parents would to a son?...
Would you even treat me like a friend?...

so many questions...

so little answers...

but I promise, that if you will accept both of us to be together... I will not let you down...


a promise that is meant to be kept.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Resolution Passed! =D

10 more days before the start of the new year.
10 more days before the end of this year.

Its time to review my new year resolution for 2006, and see how much I achived yah?

haha =)

*time warp*

January 01, 2006
I, Andrew Hui, hereby resolve to do the following in the year 2006...

1) Improve my GPA score to somewhere above 3.

2) Complete and compile my portfolio

3) Stop playing so much games and start getting back to the gym

4) Get closer with God.

5) Be faithful to the ones that I love around me.

6) Get rid of those freaking blemishes, to a greater, visible extent. (I always make this resolution... somehow, it works... so I shall continue this)

7) Re-tune my fashion sense

8) Get my abs. (I'm not joking)

9) Give 2 people a meaningful hug every week

10) Stop thinking of committing suicide so often....

*end time warp*


hmm... lemme see.
1) Improve my GPA score to somewhere above 3.
Completed that fairly well, with my GPA hovering somewhere between 3.3-3.5 currently.

2) Complete and compile my portfolio
Yup, completed, compiled, edited and made soft copies + hard copies, and even got a professional portfolio for that!

3) Stop playing so much games and start getting back to the gym
Definately. I've almost completely quit computer games already... (80% less compared to the previous years)... and yup, 3 times a week at the gym, minimum... currently.... dunno how long i can keep this up though.

4) Get closer with God.
Sigh.. Ok.. The first of my resolutions that I don't think I fulfilled properly...... its quite hard... when everything around you seems to hinder your faith...

5) Be faithful to the ones that I love around me.
Yes. I've stayed faithful, completely... yup! And I intend to be faithful for a long long, long time.

6) Get rid of those freaking blemishes, to a greater, visible extent. (I always make this resolution... somehow, it works... so I shall continue this)
Oh yes. It worked, to a pretty large extent this time.... I hope that by the end of 2007, I'd almost have reach a flawless complexion.... hard though..

7) Re-tune my fashion sense
Yup. Revamped, refurbish and reorganized. People who see me nowadays do notice that I wear alot more different clothes, mainly sleeveless, tank tops... and formal shirts... Andrew is growing up! x)

8) Get my abs. (I'm not joking)
Shoot. ARRGH. I'm trying I'm trying!! I've been trying for a really long time... there is major improvment... I hope I'll get it firm and set by January though.

9) Give 2 people a meaningful hug every week
How about 1 person? Mostly Dominic lah... so its a half completed resolution.... occassionally its my godbrothers and sisters... x)

10) Stop thinking of committing suicide so often....
Suicide? huh?... wha... Suicide? I was?...
hm... I hardly even think of suicide nowadays... Firstly, my life is too great for suicide, secondly, I've too many stuffs for suicide.. and thirdly.. I have the person I love most in my entire life...

=)

7.5 out of 10.

Hmm.. that's not bad.. really... dont you think so?

bleah~ I'm running short of money for christmas presents..
and worst of all, I'm running out of time to package the christmas presents and write the cards!

shoot.

hehe. I bought Dominic something nice. Lol. Hope he likes it....

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Pimples, Life, Pornography.

Hmm.. when I don't blog for 2 days in a row, you know I'm like super busy...

Kao.

Yes. I'm very VERY VERY busy.

I'm so busy that I spotted a pimple this morning.

It freaked me out so much that I took out my entire arsonal of pimple extermination weapons and almost started a nuclear winter on my poor face.

yah..

dark eye rings, dull colored skin, PIMPLE, unshaven stubble...

jeez. its right out of a nightmare.

I literally had to apply "color corrector" to my skin.

$)@*&$)@


hmm..... anywayz, getting a pimple is like a nightmare for me...
it signifies ultimate stress.

on a better, more resounding note, I've been reading this book "The Five People You Meet in Heaven"

two words : "extraordinarily excellent"

If you're looking for a self-help book, or a book to reflect on and understand life, this is like the "must-have" of all self-help books.
But no. Its not another "You Can Fly" or "Business made Simple" book.

Its actually a story about a man who died and went to heaven.
He encounters the 5 people who changed his destinies when he was on earth.
Each person has a story to tell, a story that opens his eyes to what most people would call "the other side" of the story...

but there is one particular quote I like alot.. it goes like this :

"In the beginning, when God created Adam, on the very first night when he laid his head down to rest, he must be thinking, 'this is the end, I've had a nice life. now everything is over' .
But when he woke up the next day to a beautiful sunrise, its as though he has a life all over again. We call it waking up, but he must have had called it a blessing.
He lives his life again, but this time with the memories he had of yesterday.

Death is not the end. It is merely the beginning."


Are you afraid of death?

Hmmm... I think I'm not really scared of what is going to become to me... Rather, I'm more scared of the people I leave behind...
Will they remember me? Will I have made an impact on their lives?

My greatest fear, when I leave this earth is to live a life that never changed the world for the better.

In the book, I learnt alot of lessons... like people impact people who impact people and so on....

Every little action we do on earth has vast consequences in the web of time, like it or not.... everything we do is interlinked...


gosh. I just uploaded a partially pornographic video on Stompcast. Oh no.

If kids watch it, their eyes will be VERY opened!

oh no.

morality counts.

hmm.

work calls.

shit.

hahahahahahah

well... lets call it sex education. =)

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you!
Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter.
You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you.

You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable
Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life
By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover.

Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives.
Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours.
No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Today is a great day...

=)

Today is a very great day...

=D

I love Dominic.

x)

I love Dominic alot.

xD

haha

=P

I'm posting lame entries with emoticons.

=X

okay. you've seen most of my common emoticons...

i'll tell you why i'm so happy tmr..

^_^

blank.....

1 year, 1 month...

its something to think about... its wierd.. when you're wired and drilled into your mindset that an AJ relationship is something that cannot last...

I'm a person who's really practical about stuff, and if things can't work out... I'd most likely tell you to the face that it cannot work out...

People are still messaging me and telling me that I'm an idiot to keep continuing even after so many times..

But they don't understand one thing... that is, I love Dominic more then they, you or even he can even imagine...

I'd carry him around if he can't walk,
I'd wipe his tears if he can't touch,
I'd be his eyes if he can't see...

I'm foolish. Yes... "sacrificing for someone who most likely would not do it for you in return"...

I do not know if he would do it for me...

But, I only hope that one day, I'll truly touch his heart... and he will come to appreciate it one day...

1 year and 1 month... many straight couples get married after dating for that long...



my heart is kinda stagnent now..
its hovering between dying and living...

it was struggling to comprehend the future, and it was shattered in June.
it was struggling to trust completely, and it was shattered in October
it was struggling to trust once more, and it was shattered in December...

when will my heart ever heal...

i feel like giving up everything..

but I want to hold on... so tightly...

half my soul is slapping me left and right but the other half is with him....

hurts like hell..



I just want to wake up from this nightmare and realize that I can truly trust him......


"when you lose the trust of a Taurus, it is extremely difficult to gain it back. Because of the stubborn and doubting nature of a Taurus, he will be constantly watchful from then on. The Taurus are pragmatic creatures, (later dates), and look to what they can gain, rather then what they can give. They will only invest in something if they believe that it is worth investing in."

-adapted Little book of astrology by Baxtor R. Jr.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

select. me. breezy. screen. wipers. keyboard. hurts. my. thumb. on. the. mouse. moustache. with. eye. tries. immeasurably. to. find. cat. who. uploads. four. twigs. on. singapore. server. in. sentosa.


hmm....


psychology test me.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Winning the Race

A few years ago, at the Seattle Special Olympics, nine contestants, all physically or mentally disabled, assembled at the starting line for the 100-yard dash.

At the gun, they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but with a relish to run the race to the finish and win. All, that is, except one little boy who stumbled on the asphalt, tumbled over a couple of times, and began to cry.

The other eight heard the boy cry. They slowed down and looked back.

Then they all turned around and went back, every one of them. One girl with Down's Syndrome bent down and kissed him and said: "This will make it better."

Then all nine linked arms and walked together to the finish line.

Everyone in the stadium stood, and the cheering went on for several minutes. People who were there are still telling the story. Why? Because deep down we know this one thing: What matters in this life is more than winning for ourselves.


What matters in this life is helping others win, even if it means slowing down and changing our course.

Morality versus Humanity versus Divinity

"Another trip is the notion of absolute right and wrong. Do remember that the concept of morality is a human invention. A code of ethics is an artifice that attempts to maintain social cohesion at the cost of individual freedom. It is utilitarian in its sacrifice of the individual’s comfort for the security of the group. Taking into account a larger worldview, it becomes easy to see that right and wrong is very much relative. Fundamentalists consider the beliefs of moderates to be erroneous. Conservatives believe homosexuality to be a sin. Any rules to the governing of personal behaviour should preferably be imposed by an individual on himself."

- Kerbing Lee, Trevvy Scoops
On first glance, this entire chunk of text seems intelligent... to the point of being wise. However, it dragged on in my head for the entire afternoon... (for those who know me, I can't bear to be unable to comprehend something)...

I suddenly stumbled into the concept of morality vs humanity vs divinity. Why these 3 factors?

because... :
1) Morality is either created by humanity and/or divinity. If not, please message me if you think that morality could come from a hibiscus.

2) Humanity is the only referrable "intelligent" source that we can understand.

3) Divinity is the "beyond-intelligent" source that we can't understand. but we understand its existance.

okie.

Now here's my argument -
What makes a murderer who goes around killing innocent children wrong?
Ans: We judge them wrong.
But to him, it may not be wrong! not at all! So, by condamming the murderer, and breeching HIS moral standards, are we being immoral?

Thus. Moral standards are not dependent on individuals.

If entire societies are savages, who are genociders, head-hunters and cannibals, are they evil?
Ans : We judge them evil.
But to them, many of them are born, train and bred in that environment to think that it is correct. So, by killing them because of their culture, are we being immoral?

Thus, Moral standards are not dependent on society.

If the entire world doesnt care about moral standards, what is wrong or right, and are currently engaged in a nuclear war, does that mean that the world is evil?
Ans : It is evil.
Who judges this time? Is it humanity or divinity?


The answer is, the fundamental law of morality - of right and wrong, has to originate from a divine being.
The goal of this morality is to prevent ensuing chaos - and in effect, preventing permernant destruction.

This fundamental law of morality is then crafted by humanity into various ways to fit their culture and lifestyle.

The law of anti-chaos is the only law that governs humanity.

However, the law of anti-chaos is created by Divinity. And since, Divinity is the be-all, end-all. Divinity is law.
Thus. God = Law = Judgement.

Love is, on the other hand, above the law.


We'll see about that next time... when I've sorted out my life first...

Monday, December 11, 2006

Something to think about....

Few people understand totally the significance of Mardi Gras and other Pride celebrations. Many look at the externals of the night of partying and indulgence and make negative judgements about gay people, but for us it’s an opportunity to celebrate our journey of self-acceptance and more.
It’s a journey many heterosexual people find difficult to understand as they have never had to hide their sexuality or feared the reactions of others for being who they are.

Can you imagine a heterosexual in their teenage years, dealing with that moment where they have to say to friends and family, ‘I have something to tell you. I hope you’ll still love me. I’m … I’m … heterosexual’?
They’ll never have to hide their heterosexuality in order to be accepted, or walk down the street and have someone yell abuse at them because they are straight. They may experience discrimination at other levels but never because of their sexuality. For most gay people their journey has involved pain, loss of jobs, rejection by families or friends, misunderstanding and prejudice.

Much depends on the area or country in which you live.

The suburb I live in, gay guys and lesbians walk hand in hand with their partners down the street and no-one takes a second look—they may actually get a smile for the public expression of affection heterosexuals take for granted. Move out two suburbs and they would probably be verbally abused or if they lived in a rural setting may even experience the threat of physical violence or death.

One tragic example of this is the case of Matthew Shepard, a gay, eighteen-year-old Wyoming college student who, in October 1998, after being brutally beaten, was left to hang on a fence for four days in temperatures below zero before he died.

- Anthony Venn-Brown (Forum)
another reason why straight guys will never be able to understand gays....

but I'm still happy that most of my friends aren't homophobic... lolz... but i encounter homophobic people everyday of my life also...

so life ain't completely tops yet... x)

Sunday, December 10, 2006

PARTY INVITATION!!

HEYY!!! x)
ALL THOSE WHO ARE READING THIS!!!
PLEASE COME FOR A CHRISTMAS PARTY!!!
ITS AT MY CHURCH!!!

xD

IF YOU DON'T COME, SANTA CLAUSE WILL BE ANGRY WITH YOU!!!
(lol. no offense to christians out there. x)

ANYWAY, ITS ON THE 23RD!!
ITS A ROOFTOP PARTY!

THERE WILL BE A BAND PERFORMANCE
LOTS OF GAMES
AND ALOT OF FOODD!!! (its a 10 course dinner btw).

ITS ZERO DOLLARS.

MIAN FEI!

COMPLETELY FREE!!!

hehe...

hmmm.. oh yeah.

IF YOU WANT MORE INFORMATION, JUST TAG ON MY BLOG AND I WILL REPLY YOU!!

if not, YOU CAN JUST CALL 90701757 TO IRRITATE ME!!!

x)


wow wee

=)

same old brand new you

Hmmm.... I guess you could consider this a brand new blog.... though on the surface, it may still look like my usual blog...

This is because finally. YES. Finally, I've been invited to convert my blog to the new Blogger Beta systemworks...

Like I guess its about time for them to have invited me... I mean, I know friends who have been invited for Blogger Beta for about 6 months already, whereas, me; an AVID blogger, with over 900 posts for this blog, and over 1000 post for my past blogs, has only been invited recently.

hmph.

I'm so busy... and I'm damm stress!

Oh. Before I start ranting anything, I'd like to thank David (OreoX) for getting me a supply of protein shakes!! x)
... well.. I guess its partially my fault....

recently, I've been scaring so many people...

I never knew I was so scary... =X

"Don't end your life please!!"
"I love you kor! Its ok! Don't do anything stupid!"
"Noooooo!! Your blog is the blog I read the most everyday!!" (thanks so much to Popokia btw)

haha.

These are like some of the stuff that people sent me...

But before anybody gets any silly idea what happened between me and Dominic, let me clear up the issue first k?

1) Dominic is still my boyfriend

2) No. We're nowhere near a breakup.

3) We love each other alot still

I mean, if couples don't go through fights and stuff, they will never understand how much they treasure each other right?...

In a way, I'm kinda glad that Dominic took this break... and realize how much he treasures this relationship...

I've got some lessons to learn too...

I guess, I'm becoming possesive - to the point of making him somebody that he didnt think he was.
what does that mean...

It means, once I planned my entire life around him, my hold on the relationship grows stronger... because I'm a person who set goals and follow it through till the end...

I guess, he still couldnt (or maybe still can't) fully factor me into a future... where both of us will be supporting each other....

bleah~... I'm talking like I'm planning to marry him...

haha.

I wish though.
(k.. dont be shock dominic);

I wonder actually... by globally disallowing homosexuals to get married, the government actually encourages promiscuity amongst gays and lesbians...
Because marriage is an institution which commits 2 people together in love, loyalty and physically.


... will you marry me dominic?...

haha... *grins* =)

I promise I'll buy you a nice ring! x)




lol... kidding...

Friday, December 08, 2006

Looks like I wont be destroying my blog after all...

haha. =)

But I'm still angry though xP





hmm... sorry to all those that I scared recently...
Why am I even waiting?...

Will he love me back? after 1 week? after 1 month?

...

He may not even want to be with me anymore...

Even if he returns... will he be able to change his ways?...

...

Why am I waiting for him?

Why is it always me...

...

Will he wait for me?

Will he truly love me?

...

I'm so lost and confused...

Part of me tells me to let go.
Part of me tells me to hold on.

...


what should I do?

... what... can I do?..


... please... reverse time before it is too late....

I can already feel my heart growing cold......

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

The Final Entry.

this is my life story.

every word a part of my destiny...



"It's time to take a break".



don't you understand?... you're my heartbeat.

you're my world...



"It's time to take a break".



soon. everything will be down to ground zero.

everything will be finished.

My heart will turn to ice.

My attitude will turn extremely cold.



This is my life story.

For one thousand two hundred and twenty days.

In seven hundred and fifty thousand words.

In one thousand pages.


only one chapter counts.


I guess. This is the end.


As much as you want, read.


Because I will end everything in 3 days.






everything.

Last Entry?...

I'm on the verge of tears...

The thing is, I'm not crying... I guess I expected it... already...


Being faithful. is hard. isn't it?.

I expect from others. only. what. i. expect. from. myself.


Some people will do anything to gain a +v in the channel, even for 1 hour.




I know I'm not good enough.
To give you what you need.

I'm a nuscience.
I'm a pest.

But I'm a person who knows alot.




... much more then what he wished he ever knew....




*cries*

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

I asked...

I asked God to take away my pain.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away,
but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
Her spirit is whole,
her body is only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a by-product of tribulations,
it isn't granted, it is earned.

I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings,
Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me suffering.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares
and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own,
but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things.

I ask God to help me love others, as much as he loves me.
God said...
Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.

Author unknown

Class photo! Yeah.. this is a very belated entry... the memory of the best class i ever had, and some of the best friends I ever made =) Posted by Picasa

The guy in the centre? He's TIMOTHY. yes. the Timothy is SuPerstar. Yup. He's famous...  Posted by Picasa

We're all doing the infamous "Ryan Face" which means : screw up your mouth, stare blankly and act dumb. wahaha.. x) Posted by Picasa

Monday, December 04, 2006

Quit looking so good!

I always find it really hilarious when straight guys ask me why the majority of the really good looking guys usually turn out to be gay.

The funny part is, they put themselves down by saying that being good looking is something that is inherent in most gays.

wahahaha.. if it was so, I doubt I'd be so depressed over the zit that appeared overnight. x)


Instead of blaming it on the gene pool, why don't you guys monitor the psychological makeup and lifestyle of the AJ community?

1) A large proportion of AJ guys do not enjoy getting dirty.

This means, NO soccer in the mud, NO trackking through swamps and NO camou on face (pls!). Mud, as much as people endorse it's ability to purify the skin, DOES NOT mean the grassy mud that comes from soccer fields. If you want a nice skin tone, without ringworms, white spots or the like, which can easily cause permernant damage on the skin.

2) We know what are toners, astringents, rentinols, trecitine, benzoyl peroxide and comodogenic

Do you know what it means?
Knowing all these terms can be the very difference between a flawless skin and a volcanic crater - even though both may be using the same stuff.

3) We are health nuts.

Vitamin A, C, B2, Iron, Taurine.. you name it, most AJs have been taking it or has taken it at some point in their life. The thing is, when they say its good for you skin, you can be assured that the gay community will close round it like sharks.

4) Looking good is VERY important to us.

Because the gay community is always under pressure by the government not to be open about their sexuality, and that people are always having a negetive impression of AJs, our social life are usually confined to the darkness of the night. I mean, maybe thats why there's always the issue of sex... possibly. Anywayz, imagine you're in a club. You wouldnt have time to analyse the "personality" of a person - rather, the first impression that the person makes is far more important.
Materialism is thus one of the key pillars of why so many AJs look good.

5) Metro-me-gay.

No matter how much the world tries to push the metro community to the straight guys, the dominent crowd in the metrosexuals are gays. Why? Because gays tend to be more aesthetically inclines (don't ask me why. just look at the music and arts scene). They tend to be more in-tuned with their emotion, and this help them pick flamboyent colors without making them look like a clown gone wrong.
Their ability to create style and color combitations make them the forerunners of the fashion industry. But hey, don't compare us to the women out there. I mean, woman are WOMAN.


Five points.
Haha. Is that enough to prove to you that you can be good looking as well?

Its basically the thinking and lifestyle.

But frankly, as much as they say looking good counts, in my opinion, a large number of the gay community need to work alot on their personalities...
Being highly emo creatures... We tend to polarize conclusions.
Take a look at this situation

Boy 1 : "you didnt pick up my call just now"

Boy 2 : "darling, I was with my friend just now! We were eating!"

Boy 1 : "who is that friend?"

Boy 2 : "A friend lah!"

Boy 1 : "why don't you want to tell me who? is it another guy who likes you and you're going on a date with him, and because you're so obsessed with him you can't answer your phone? or you didnt hear?

Boy 2 : "yah. its a guy who likes me... but..."

Boy 1 : *cries* "why can't you stay loyal to me? why are you so flirty??"

Boy 2 : "its just a small meal, and its because my phone was on silent mode thats why i didnt hear your call..."

Boy 2 : "*cries silently*"

- end -

Familiar senario? I think more then a few of us AJs would totally understand this situation (especially me, coz its adapted from one of the situations I had with dominic)

The problem is our emotions cause us to polarize alot of things that aren't there in the first place, and our imagination cause our thoughts to run wild...
We then jump to dangerous conclusions that can threaten to shake the foundations of the relationships.

Come to think of it, maybe this another reason why AJ relationships hardly last...

but of course, there are a whole host of other reasons..

you'll need a really forgiving and loving boyfriend, who'll still love you even though you made him really irritated.




haha. Don't I put alot of thought into my entries?... =)

Sunday, December 03, 2006

CHRISTMAS WISHLIST!!!

Bleah.. I'm going blind from reading all those chemical equations and formulas...

Mythylxantine Complex... Monohydrate Glutamate... Arginine Alpha-Keltoglutarate

zZzzz..

Don't try to infer from the chemical formulas to find out what I'm reading about... especially the last thing.


Anywayz... its December!! And its timeeee... for CHRISTMAS WISHLIST!!
x)

okok... here I go!!!

1) Protein Powder! (or Glutamine)

2) A bottle of Creatine Formula (caps or powder) - can be found at any gym training store.

3) A 150 gb portable hard drive

4) A good pair of earphones from Creative

5) A nice, sporty-looking watch

6) A pair of medium sized swimming trunks (*hehe*)

7) A nice choker? (I've been using my same choker for over a year already)

8) A Sony Erricson compatable headpiece [doesnt need to be bluetooth]

9) Some nice looking sleeveless shirts

10) Complete the rest of Gravitation! x)


lol... not that difficult right?



ok. the ones below are the really tough ones, either because the circumstances make it difficult to fulfill, or only specific people or myself can do it for me..

A) I really wish Dominic's parents will welcome me as someone who is responsible enough to love Dominic

B) I hope he will realize that he isn't fat

C) I want to get colored contact lenses with degrees!

D) I want to get my abs and shoulders done up nicely before the 25th of December 12:00 AM

E) I want to move another step further in getting a better complexion

F) I want to get a bronze-y tan - that can last

G) I want to hit 3.5 for my GPA

H) I want to write a personal christmas card to all my friends

I) I want to buy something nice and meaningful for Dominic

J) I hope (small hope) that God would accept Dominic and me.


I really have a lot of wishes... jeez. I'm such a greedy boy.

But I really want/need/lust/blah the first category of items!!! lol...

Could I have it? Pretty pretty please Mr. Clause?

I promise I'll be good the whole of next year! and.. umm... I'll always stick with my training schedule!

x)

haha...

anywayz, this list is much more better then having something that I so totally do not need, even though it may be nice..



on an even lighter note, Dominic completed 10 clik today! I'm so proud of him.... I wonder if I ever would be able to run that much...
Hmmm.. I'd most likely deviate halfway and return back to my house to bathe and sleep..

hmm... lol

Frankly, I'm more of a gym person then anything else...


bzzt. bed calls..... zoning out. ciAo pEepoz~

Haha! My dear completed Standa

061203191302-DSC00332
Haha! My dear completed Standard Chartered Marathon! =) i'm so proud of him...

- This blog was updated through my M1 mobile phone.

Saturday, December 02, 2006


This is the final piece....  Posted by Picasa

A 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle for my dear.. hehe.. =) not easy to do wor.... Posted by Picasa

Friday, December 01, 2006

WeeEe~!!!

Happy birthday dear!~

Happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy....


BIRTHDAY!!


I love ya!! =)

18 years ago, a little boy called Dominic was born...
another little boy who was 1 year old at that time, could've never believed that fate could cross.... and both would've fell in love with each other...


I wish...
I wish for you to become whoever you want to be.
I wish for you to love God as much or more then you could ever love me.
I wish for you to look as good as you ever wanna be.

I wish that your love for me would never die.

I pray... that God above would hear me. That He would forever protect you, and keep you in His loving arms... that you will never have to fear anything..

I pray... that Father would grant us His blessing for us to be together... and smile upon us... and shelter our love from the darkness of the world..



If we could.

If I could.

I'll make this the happiest birthday today... you ever had =)

Fw:

061201114153-Img145064A
Happy birthday dear!

- This blog was updated through my M1 mobile phone.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Parental Love in Parenthesis

"i was in the study room watching lakehouse with my sister (its a really nice show) and someone calls the house. so the phone rings and my brother picks up. then he starts to walk to the study room. then my dad ask him rudely "is it for dominc" then my brother said it is for agneta (my younger sis). then after that my dad says as a remark that his waiting for "dominic's boyfriend" to call.... i mean WHAT THE FUCK ...."
his parents know...
I just have a gut feeling that they know everything.... more then I ever expect them to know...

... much more then what he has expected them to know...

What is wrong??

What is wrong with me loving him?
What is wrong that he loves me so much that he, by nature being an obedient kid... would defy all odds and circumstances... to love me in return?...

why?...

I mean... I'm not some street pickup that will teach your son bad values?
I don't stay out late every night and patronize bars and clubs regularly...

I work extremely hard for what I value in life..
I have achieve good results for the efforts that I put in...

I love God, I love the people around me..
I love my parents and my brothers too...

I know the world, I've seen the world and I've felt the world...

I'm not weak. I can fight, and I can protect...
I'm not poor. I can spend and I can earn...
I'm not sick. I can do twelve pull ups and a hundred push ups without flinching.

If thats not enough,

I'm ready to keep your son close in my arms, safe and warm from the vicious world...


Likewise, I'm sure he will do it for me too...


Why?...

it hurts... all I want to do is to get you to like me and accept me...

if you tear us apart... what do you get in return?

what can you earn but tears, bitter resentment and the assurance that you've scarred your dear son's heart permernantly?..


I don't even want to think....


Its not just puppy love.... don't you see?
Its the love that binds two people together since the dawn of time...


Just close your eyes and think... what do you get out of it?









I love Dominic.

nothing can change that.

not you. not him. not anybody.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

when the world goes wrong...

He loves you...

but the world tears him apart....

Silently, at the corner... with no one to hold on to... no one to cry on...


For once, its beyond my power to do anything...

Once again... I feel helpless as the throes of fate tosses me helplessly against insufferable reality...

If there was anything physical strength could accomplish, I'd move the world for you...
If there was anything knowledge could accomplish, I'd find it for you...
If there was anything money could accomplish, I'd earn it for you...

no.. I'm not joking... I love you THAT much...

but when it comes to parents....

... *cries*

I wish I could do something to help you ease your pain...

Its hard to come out of the closet to your parents.. but like what I said, its better sooner then later right?...

It hurts me to see you being the object of suspicion and distrust... I don't know if your parents will ever like me...
but one thing is for sure, I'll try... at every chance that I can get...

In my life, there if there is one of the few things I'm proud of, is that there are very very few people who dislike me...
because basically, I try my best to please people...

but what can I do when people hate me even before I meet them?...



sobz...

I called him today..

and his dad picked up the phone...

I said "Hi! Is Dominic in?"

and he turned around and said, "Its that guy who calls you every night. Your stupid boyfriend lah!"

I cried...

I guess he couldnt hear... but nobody has called me stupid so blatently before...

but I didnt cry because of that... I know I'm not stupid...

its because for once, I felt the full blow of hatred from his parents...

His dad was really bitter about me calling...



what can I do??


*cries*... I just want to bury my head and cry myself to sleep.....

Cute Worms

Haha.. this is really cute.... The worm is sooo cute..

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Since I'm waiting for RJ to restore her computer, I'd do quizzies!

10 favs:

1) television: don't really like television programmes... is Pokemon counted?

2) flower : sunflowers x)

3) color: bright orange, neon green, black, white and blue

4) sport: swimming

5) mall: Vivocity.. lolz

6) music: soft, love songs... techno, dance and electronica

7) food: a hell lot.... I like most food, except blend food, which includes broth, porridge etc.

8) season: I love spring! Its the time where its most cooling, yet there's sun as well.... and everybody is cheerful =)

9) pet: Golden retriever or guinea pig x)

10) city: singapore?



10 facts:

1. hometown : Singapore

2. hair color: currently, light brown

3. hair length: mid-long

4. hair style: ultra-layered

5. eye color: brown

6. shoe size: 8

7. mood: sleepy... and a bit stressed

8. sexuality: I like guys. Explains it all?

9. status: attached.

10. lefty/righty: righttt



10 things about your love life:

1. have you ever been in love: yeah... still am

2. do you believe in love: definately

3. why did your last relationship fail: over-possesiveness..

4. have you ever been heartbroken: too many times i guess

5. have you ever broken someone's heart: I did..

6. have you ever fallen for your best friend: haha.. yeah.

7. have you ever loved someone but never told them: yeah.. its like a silent wait you know... but its worth it

8. are you afraid of commitment: a bit, but as long as my other half is willing to go through with me, I'm afraid of nothing.

9. have you ever kissed someone you liked: yup. like my boyfriend?

10. have you ever had a secret admirer: errr.. i think so.

10 things this or that:

1. love or lust: love. only love.

2. hard liquor or beer : none

3. night or day: evening?

4. one night stands or relationships: relationships...

5. televison or internet: internet

6. pepsi or coke: Pepsi =)

7. wild night out or romantic night in: Romantic night in..

8. colored or black and white: colored?

9. phone or in person: in person..

10. aim or myspace: none.



10 are you..??

1. are you missing someone right now: yeah... really badly

2. are you happy: better then usual

3. are you talking to anyone right now: no..

4. are you bored: ya..

5. are you german: wth. no!

6. are you irish: no.....

7. are you french: -.-

8. are you police: the police asked me to join them though

9. are your parents still married : yeah

10. do you like someone right now: i love someone now... is that it?

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Yaay! my 100th Quizzy!

-Where were you 3 hours ago?
+ In church, having band practice

-Who are you in love with?
+ Dominic!! haha.. and myself.. =)

-Have you ever eaten a crayon?
+ CRAYON?? YUCKS!!!! wth?

-Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
+ umm.. yeah.. photo album...

-When is the last time you went to the mall?
+ Yesterday? Was at Tangs... kenna cheated into filming some dumb shopping event.

-When was the last time you saw the person u love?
+ long.. long long long time ago... But I have his picture on my phone! so I see him like every 15 mins.. x)

-When was the last time you drove out of town?
+ I live in town, I don't drive, therefore, I've never driven out of town before.

-Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
+ nah...

-Are you hot?
+ I think I'm quite ok looking... I dont have the ability to rate myself...

-What was the last thing you had to drink?
+ ice water... (I'm kinda put of sweet stuff, after I found out something awful about myself)

-What are you wearing right now?
+ Dark blue running shorts, Quiksilver tee

-Do you wash your car or let the car wash itself?
+ ..... I don't own a car.. yet.

-Last food that you ate?
+ some spicy scallop with garlicky spare rip thingie...

-Where were you last week at this time?
+ Sitting at the void deck downstairs, talking to Dominic..

-Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
+ umm.. nope.... kinda broke

-When is the last time you ran?
+ Yesterday.. rushed down after work immediately because I thought I was late for the shopping event

-What's the last sporting event you watched?
+ Is Hide and Seek with Hello Kitty counted??.. #&*@

-What is your favorite animal?
+ Golden retrievers, and Guinea pigs... x)

-Your dream vacation?
+ Somewhere I can spend alot of money on myself and the person I love, and do lots of stuff I don't normally get to do! so.. I guess it would be Phuket or Bali or something like dat lah..

-Last person's house you were in?
+ can't.. remember....

-Have you been in love?
+ Yup.... still deeply in love now...

-Do you miss anyone right now?
+ yeah... Dominic... I just want to hug him tight now...

-What are your plans for tonight?
+ Try and finish a nice portion of Dominic's present..

-Who is the last person you sent a friendster message to?
+ eh... Desmond, my old primary school friend...

-What is the next trip you are going to take?
+ I'm not sure also.... dear... where do you wanna go?

-Ever go camping?
+ YUP! Looove camps! x)

-What do you want to know about the future?
+ If the person I love will still love me 50 years down the road...

-Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
+ nope... just bathed

-Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?
+ yeah.. but blood analysis should be out in 2 weeks i think...

-Where is your best friend(s)?
+ hmmm.. some are in internship, some are currently slacking at home..

-Who is (are) your best friend(s)?
+ The ASH =)

-Whats your favorite song?
+ Tong Hua, by Guang Liang, and Bu Dong, by Lin Jun Jie
as well as Little Supergirl by Corrine May

-What are you listening to right now?
+ Nothing... the silent erratic rythem of traffic 25 floors below, and the sound of keyboard typing..

-Do you collect anything?
+ hmm. yeah. Gravitation comics... wahaha... I collect Shonen-Ai pictured too..

-What does your last text message say?
+ Yup... Looks nice - by Dominic

-Do you like hot sauce?
+ Yup yup, cant survive without it

-Last time you took a shower?
+ 30 mins ago...

-Are you someone's best friend?
+ Yeah. I think I'm lots of people's best friend...

-Are you rich?
+ no. I'm beyond poor.

-Are you smart?
+ I think I'm slightly smarter then the average person, but that's only because I contemplate alot only..

Friday, November 24, 2006

Information Overload!!!

I'm learning alot of things in my internship...

The lecturers were right, within these 3 weeks alone, I have learnt so much more then anything that could be taught in poly....

My Final Cut Pro editing skills has soared wayyy high up

- I've learnt how to batch, capture and rewrite timecode
- I've learnt how to differentiate between stuffs like Firewire DV Pal, Firewire DV Basic, General NTSC and so forth
- I've learnt how to properly manipulate the camera to get shots that look professional without using professional equipment
- I've learnt how use the various compressors available for Final Cut pro, and the use for the different formats
- I've learnt how to use Sountrack Pro (note to lecturers who may be reading my blog: GET SOUNDTRACK PRO!!! ITS SOOO MUCH BETTER THEN THE THING WE HAVE IN THE STUDIO!!)
- I've learnt how to edit clips to cater to various occassions, [i.e. general interviews, MTV style, trailers.. etc.]

ok. thats merely for Final Cut Pro alone

I learnt how to use Dreamweaver 8 too!
I was never really good at using Dreamweaver, though I could make a basic page and stuff... but still, there was lots to learn!

- I've learnt what the difference betwen remote/local/testing servers
- I've learnt how to use the various shotcut scripts
- I've learnt how to use FCP transfer protocol programmes
- I've learnt how to use JAlbum, a photo album creating software

I'm much better at Photoshop too!

- I've learnt how to use the scripting and action commands
- I've learnt how to use the automate and batch commands
- I've learnt how to use Adobe Bridge
- I've learnt how to use balance the colors uniformly within a set of photographs

WOW!!

I can't believe I've learnt so much within 3 weeks.
THREE WEEKS!!

Though school life definately gave me the basics, frankly, nothing can prepare a person for working life..... really.

The stress, the working hours.... to a certain extent, the people also....

Ok. For those who think that they've got it bad. Think again. You work for standard working hours from 8-5 (or 6 for some), but count yourself lucky that you dont have to stay up until 10+ or 11 on a regular basis to complete assignments.

and of course, not to mention working on Saturdays AND Sundays. (depending on shoots of course)

BUT!!! Dont get me wrong. I'm not complaining!! I'd never change my internship for any other offers in the world!!!

I still think its super duper fun!

Rushing to film celebrities and interview them, getting to play games that are not even released on the market...
... getting to shake hands with Julien Hee...

I mean... this is the life I always dreamed what my job after poly would be like...

A media technologist..

Currently, because I'm always so willing to help out in every single department, I've learnt to do the work of an AV Producer, a cameraman, a Content Producer and a Web Designer. Which are all various sections of STOMP...
(they call me Mr. "Yes Yes" - because everytime someone asks me for help, I'll say "yes!".. haha)

Its really tough, and I think I squint alot when I face tough stuff... such as when I learnt the file transfer protocol system from Deborah...
I think I nearly pulled out all my hair, coz everybody was so busy also...

[it was 22 November, if you remember the Straits Times front page, there was the picture of the big fumes cloud by Shell]

oh yah, and within 2 weeks, MY NAME HAS ALREADY BEEN ON NEWSPAPER!!!

wahaha. My friends have namecards, but my name is on the Straits Times. BEAT THAT!

lol. Check out 19 November's Sunday Times 3rd page on the Polyclinic!
Its written that the photographs were by me.

haha!. no lah, actually... it was taken by Jeanette. But some mishandlings and miscommunications caused it to have my name written there.

but oh well. all for the best xD


hmm.. and I learnt another thing also... that the Content Producers are like Gods in STOMP... coz the videos have to cater to whatever they want... similar to a director...

Admittedly, I got pissed with one of them, coz that person kept cutting, redoing, destroying my animations and layouts...
but again, Jeanette nicely told me that they're my immediate superiors, so I must always "ren".

wahaha.

I love Jeanette. She's soo uber cool lah... You know, I always thought that editors were all guys, and girls hate doing these kinda stuff.. but when I met Jeanette, my polarized opinions immediately melted..

she's uber hardworking (like working 4am to 10 pm at night!!!)
she's uber nice (she always ask me to eat lunch, and will teach me patiently if I dunno anything)
she's uber happy (she's always smiling!! and that makes me happy too! I mean, what better way to brighten a workplace!)

hahahah..

I think I write too much already lah...

But what the heck.. its a friday, and a Shopping event got cancelled... thats why I'm here with my legs up and writing on my blog..


miss Dominic though...
hope he's doing ok at work too....

Thursday, November 23, 2006

14 Ways To Be A Champion

1. Compliment three people everyday.

2. Watch a sunrise at least once a year.

3. Be the first to say hello.

4. Live beneath your means.

5. Treat everyone like you would want to be treated .

6. Never give up on anybody; miracles happen !

7. Never deprive someone of hope; it may be all they have.

8. Pray not for things, but for wisdom and courage.

9. Be tough-minded, but tenderhearted.

10. Be kinder than necessary.

11. Keep your promises.

12. Learn to show cheerfulness, even when you don't feel like it.

13. Remember that overnight success usually takes about 15 years.

14. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.

Author Unknown

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

hmm...


You are The Star


Hope, expectation, Bright promises.


The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised


The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench your thirst, with a guiding light to the future. They might say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.


What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Living a different life...

I have always wondered... What if some things in my life never occured?

What if some people never passed by my life?

I think my life would be really different...


A) Name 5 entities in your life that you think has made the greatest impact towards you.

- My parents are Christians

- I have two brothers

- I met Dominic

- I met Samuel

- I met Chong Loon


B) With each entity, describe how life would be different if the situation was different.

1. My parents are Christians
If my parents were not Christians, I would not be a Christian too, coz knowing my nature, I'd delve into study of religion vs science. Eventually, practically (in the worldly sense) would outweigh the nubius reality of supernaturality. Thus making me a hardcore atheist.
Thus being said, it would have an extremely profound impact on my life - one of the biggest in fact.
Firstly, I would not know music. Because the reason my parents wanted me to learn piano was to serve in the church. This would hamper my ability to serve in the choir, and most likely, I would not be able to eventually become the president some day.

Secondly, I would not have much friends. Because by nature, I'm a pretty quiet person. I don't really socialize well in large groups of friends, preferring to stick to one or two.

Thirdly, my moral values will be pretty much down the drain. Without a guiding principle, or a focus in life, I would have stumbled down one of the many way-routes I encountered in my life..


2. I have two brothers
Like it or not, the fact that I have 2 brothers plays an extremely pivotal role in changing the course of my destiny....

Firstly, being the middle child, I was always subject to much neglect when I was young. Frankly. Coz, my parents needed to take care of my younger brother, and they spend alot of time trying to understand my elder brother, presuming that he was taking care of me. This caused me to be quite estranged from my parents and subsequently cause me to dislike them for a period of time

Secondly, with 2 brothers, I hardly ever got what I wanted. Though since young, I was never really in the habit of asking for presents, I always wanted alot of things... Though I knew I would never get them. I also got tons of hand me downs, because both my elder and younger brothers are bigger size then me.
If I were the only child, I'd have the computer all to myself in the early years, and knowing my love for technology, I'd most likely be a pretty accomplished technologist before I even reached 18.
If I were the only child, I'd have lots and lots of clothes! My friends will never ask me "why do you wear the same clothes for one whole year?" and "this clothes are so out of season!".
If I were the only child, I may not be doing so well now, because I would not have the standard set by an accomplished elder brother to meet, and an ultra-smart younger brother barking up your backside breaking every accomplishment you made with ease.

yeah. If I were the only child.

3) I met Dominic.
He is the person that I met for the shortest time in my life, and yet made the most profound and direct change in me.
If I had not met Dominic, I think I'd be somewhere 6 feet below, or on one of the palicide shelves at the cemetery.
No. I'm not joking, because.... I really belive that Dominic is God's answer to my prayer. He came at the time when I was really depressed. And he made me belive in love again...
When they said "all you need is love", they really meant it.. because I realized that I could endure the crazy amount of workload and stress just to know that somebody loves me...

To know that the some one you love, loves you, is enough for you to die for that person. Because you know that he would do the same for you too.
It makes you feel that you want to live your life so that he will be happy, to make him happy...

For once, I understood what it felt like to be truly in love.

That is the turning point in my life...

4) I met Samuel
If you've read my past entries, you would have known that my very first boyfriend was Samuel. A childhood friend who became someone whom I thought I could be together with.
He introduced me into the AJ circle, he brought me clubbing. He changed much more faster then I did... and soon, he was no longer the person I knew.... or wanted to know.

If I did not meet Samuel, most likely I'd have entered the AJ circle at a much later age, known much less people, and of course, I'd most likely have never gone clubbing at all...

He did impact my life. But the thing is.. he only treated the relationship like a stepping stone. Not something to last, but something to tie him over before he steps over to another person.

That hurts.

5) Chong Loon
Hmmm. frankly, he is one hellouver person who changed my life.
No. Unlike what you're thinking, he's straight. Very very straight. But I only knew him well for one year, despite being classmates with him for over 3 years.
His relentless persuit for knowledge and his penchance for working really hard rubbed of me.. and sparked a fire that made me work really hard for my O levels, even though I had been doing really badly before that...

Both me and him were quite identical in the way that we think too much about stuff around us. We both studied expressions of people, we inferred from undertones, we discussed human relationship and philosphy.. We talked about current affairs, and the our take on the future.. and what we really wanted to be when we grew up.

In essence, he opened up my eyes to sort out what I wanted to be, and what my future can hold....

His sole driving force was his determination to be the best. And nothing but the best.

And I wasn't about to let his competition get too easy.

Within 2 months, I overtook 85 ranks in my secondary school to become the top 20 students. And when the O level came, both me and him outshone many people who never believed I could make it.

It was all due to sheer hard work, and the support of friendship.

We worked hard together, and together, we created a spark of determination never to lose.

That impacted my life so hard that it unleashed a potential in me that I never realized was there....





hmm.... so this is one of my more wordy entries...
recently I've been writing alot of wordy entries...

sigh... Dominic said something that made me feel really terrible suddenly...

"... I feel that you want to break up with me, but you don't want to say you want to break up with me, so you're doing this so that I will break up with you."

when he said that, I was stunned. Literally stunned. I couldnt think for like almost half a minute...

I never thought that the signals I were sending out were giving him that message....

All I wanted was him to take more responsibility in the relationship...

I mean, it seems like I'm always taking the active role in the relationship.... And I really dislike having to be the active partner all the time...

I mean, it should be balanced right?...


after he said that message, I felt so guilty... I almost wanted to shut the phone and cry for the rest of the night..

I didnt mean to send out such signals..

and I thought you know that I love you so much...



I dont know what to do.... please tell me what to do?...

Feel. We'll stay with me, and I'll stay with you. Love me, and I'll love you. Be mine, and I'll be yours. I could love no one else. I do not want to love anybody else..... I love ya Dominic, and I know you love me too... =) ~~ Posted by Picasa

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Forget about the entry just now...

I'm really happy now...

Just talked to Dominic.... Released alot of things that I wanted to say...

I guess... he's really serious about me...

and this whole relationship thing...


I'll try and step back, and let him take over from now on... and do it the way he wants, and thinks its best...

=)

coz I love him.

its your decision from now on....

I feel so far from him sometimes....

Its so hard to even meet up nowadays... we don't normally talk on the phone, thats why in the past, we'd meet up quite often...

now, I don't even know whats going on in his life...

he doesnt even know whats going on in mine...

its something like a long-distance-relationship... unrealistic, but where 2 hearts still yearn for each other...

Sometimes, admittedly... I get jealous when he meets other guys and stuff... on an individual basis...
but its hard not to right? Especially when your boyfriend can't even spend time with you... and yet, can spend time with other people...

He isn't free in the evening... and he's always working on Friday and Saturday... Both me and him has church on Sunday...

A relationship is made out of communication and trust... but everything is working against it...

Yesterday, on the way back on the train, I saw two guys... They were maybe sec 3 or 4 from Queenstown Secondary... and, they're definately AJs.
I was sitting at the corner, so I could see and hear them quite clearly...

It reminded me of the time when me and Dominic were always spending our afternoons together...
He was really closeted in the beginning... but I guess, I managed to make him change...

change... alot I guess...

what is a relationship suppose to be like?

is it merely just saying, "I love you to the person everyday"? or "I miss you?" everyday?

I've lost track...

My ex used to want me to meet up with him everyday... wanted me to call him every few hours or so... and would scream if I didnt answer his message within the hour...

This is completely the opposite... We hardly meet at all, we talk for a few minutes on the phone once or twice a day... and the words in his messages can be counted using both hands...

This morning was the ultimate... it was just one word. "Morning."

I just felt really sad... has it deteriorated to such a condition?

most of the time, I'm the one that calls, and most of the time, I'm the one that asks him out..



he always ask me not to be insecure, and not to worry...
its... kind of impossible not to worry in a situation like this...


somehow, the excuse I always give myself for him being like that is that he is a saggitarius, and that they are very free spirited...
but.. something is just not right... coz Samuel and Chris (my exs) were saggitarius also... and... they weren't like that...

It feels so imbalanced...



I sent him a message a few days ago.. that he said made him hurt...

I wrote, "you see, I've to strive to keep the relationship alive.. You've nothing to lose.. and I've everything to lose..."

To me, it seems like he has nothing to lose... because, all along... he has so many people to fall back on...
its like a buffet of choices on the day he breaks up with me...

like, "should I chose him? or him? hmm.. maybe him..."...

For me, I have everything to lose...

because he will be my last AJ relationship... if it ever ends... I've lost contact with alot of my AJ friends... I hardly see any other AJs...

I've argued with friends over him... and I've lost friends as well...


sacrifice?... I wonder... nowadays.. it never seems right...


I feel a dark wave threatening to consume us.. and everything we had...

it hurts... like hell.

Especially when I am powerless to do anything...

When I have already done everything I could...



I love him...
But I'm falling into the trap of becoming slave for him...

I'm not a slave. I'm just a boy.

A heartbroken and sad boy...

I've done so much.... but now, looking back... I guess its kind of selfish to ask...

but.. "how much have you done for me?...."




I wrote this entry in 2 days... and I cried...

still crying now...

I feel like I'm hanging on an edge of a cliff... my hands are tired, and I can't hold on much longer....
From now on... you have to pull me up... or I'll... just let go... and fall to my death...




Like what I said very long ago....

The closing of this chapter will mean the end of this blog.



I love you so much.. I don't want to close this chapter... Will you open a new book with me?...



*cries*

Friday, November 17, 2006

G-cast Functioning Again

Yaay! =)
If you didnt realize, for awhile, my Gcast was off my webby, so whenever you come to my website, you would be merely reading my posts without the constant enjoyment of my favourite songs - by yours truly x)

now its back! hmm... lets hope it doesnt screw up again.. =X

Once I see a quiz I can't help but do it. =X

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Andrew
2. Kyo
3. Axton

THREE SCREEN NAMES:
1. Axton_Z
2. Xtremer87
3. Kyo_19

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUTYOURSELF:
1. I like my body. haha. like really =)
2. My hair? =X
3. My ears..they're always so soft.. haha

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKEABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My shoulders.. wish they could be broader
2. Zits. I totally loathe them.
3. Spectacles. Why on earth do I have to wear specs?

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Eh.Chinese?
2. I'm Singaporean. And damm proud to be one
3. Christian

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Losing Dominic
2. Losing God
3. Losing.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Food. Yup. Essential
2. Computer/Internet
3. Friends! And my daily dose of Dominic. =X

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. Simple Plan
2. Groove Coverage (Techno)
3. Daisuke - GRAVITATION (Electronica)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. Glaring Dream - Gravitation
2. Still - Hillsongs
3. To Zarnarkand - Nobuo Uematsu - Final Fantasy X

THREE BOOKS YOU ARE CURRENTLYREADING / GOING TO READ:
1. Advance Camerawork
2. The Weatherlight Saga - 9 books
3. Gravitation Manga

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Security
2. Loyalty
3. Love

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I have a girlfriend
2. I'm attached
3. Tata Young just pinched my cheeks 3 days ago


THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Face!
2. Body type
3. Strength (don't ask why. I won't be able to stand a weak boyfriend)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. BLogggingg
2. Going out with friends
3. Gymming

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. I want to cuddle Dominic and fall asleep
2. Have a good bath
3. Sleep (note : third most desire only)

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I fight and protect the people I love
2. I'm quite short tempered, possesive and highly competitive
3. I have a built like a guy. need I say more?

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK:
1. I know how to use makeup more then the average girl
2. I love shopping
3. My friends mean more to me then computer games.

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. JULIEN HEE!! (still have it now)
2. The guy called Andrew in Desperate Housewives 2
3. Dominic. haha. He's a celebrity to me =)

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


This in memory of being in love for one year with the person who takes my phone and cam-whores at every opportunity xP ~ =) *hugs* Posted by Picasa

Another Really Long Quiz x)

1.The phone rings. Who do you want it to be?:
Always. I hope that person who called would be my dear... alternatively, I occassionally dream of it being a person telling me I won $1,000,000 randomly.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?:
Duh. Or else wad. Kope the cart ah.

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?:
Both. I love to talk and look at people's expressions, as well as listen to what people truly have to say...

4. Do you take compliments well?:
Haha. Yup... I dislike fake compliments though (compliments that are obviously said to butter me up. =X)

5. Are you an active person?:
Hmm. I guess I am.. I'm not really at home when I can help it, and I love to be outside, be it alone or with friends.. =)

6. If you were abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
Err.. I won't like it.. but I guess I will...

7. Do you like to ride horses?:
Hmm... Horses are boring.. how about a tiger or a unicorn? now that. would be darn cool.

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?:
Lots and lots and LOTS of camps... I think I can't count with the amount of fingers and toes I have.

9. What was your favorite game as a kid?:
Hmm... I loved to play block catching! Haha.. it involves playing catching either in the school corridoors or in a HDB estate.
I also loved to play monkey bars! =) Oh. besides catching earthworms and grasshoppers... =X
[betcha can't imagine me doing that now.]
I also liked a whole big lot of computer games! (i.e. ZZT, Xargon, Warcraft I etc.)

10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married, would you pursue it?:
YUCKs. No way. NO NO WAY. at all.
Firstly, I'm attached. Secondly, married men are usually all damm old.
well... of coz, if he's giving me a million dollars, I wouldnt mind. I'd let him think wild, grab the million dollars, and of coz (in the words of queen Sarah herself), I'd push him down the stairs. =)

well.. 10% of it can be used for a pretty lavish funeral fully equipped with mourners... =X

11. Are you judgmental?:
Hmm. Judgemental? or quick to judge. I guess I jump to conclusions extremely fast... Its a habit I have to kick though. I'm quite an impatient person

12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?:
Its... kind of hard.. Because, as a Christian, we believe that anybody who isn't saved, is not saved. So, I mean. Its hard to have something at the back of your mind telling you all the time that your beloved is going to hell right? It really hurts. REALLY.

13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued?:
I like to be persued. yeah. But I usually take the initiative in the end...

14. Can you speak another language?:
Yeah. Computer language. How about Java? err.. ok.
Yup. Chinese. =) and of course Konnichawa.

15. If you had to choose, would you rather be deaf or blind?
DEAF. I think blindness is one of the most saddest things on earth. Though I know being deaf will incapacitate my music skills, I'd rather be deaf then blind...
My memories, my friends... I need to see them...

16. Do you know how to shoot a gun?
hmm... wont answer that.

17. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?
I'd grab my handphone... and my book of certificates.. I guess. =X
I'd cry for my Gravitation manga and my computer... but other then that... I guess its just it... Just look forward for a newly renovated, or completely new house =)

18. How often do you read books?:
Very often I guess... Currently I'm reading an Epic Trilogy called the Weatherlight Cycle, that spans 9 books, with 11800 pages. Really interesting. I'd rate it better then LoTR even. xD

19. Do you think more about the past, present or future?
Future... coz the present is uncontrollable, like what most people think. - We don't control the present. We control the future.

20. What is your favorite children's book?
Roald Dahl!!! and of course, Astrix and Oblix comics =)

21. What color are your eyes?:
boring brown. (I always wished they were bright grey though)

22. How tall are you?:
1.7 m

23. Where is your dream house located?:
In my dreams? duh. err...
haha... no lah. Its somewhere along the stretch of a quiet beach, with the city not too far away and with a really clean sea...

24. Last person you talked to?:
Dominic

25. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?:
Yeah. Lots. I mean... Dominic takes pictures with me in the photo booth without the photo booth's camera. you get what i mean?

26. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?:
what the hell is an Olive Garden? jeez!

27. What are your keys on your key chain for?
I dont carry my keys for display. They're for practical usage.

28. Where was the furthest place you traveled today?
Toa Payoh north? SPH x)

29. Where is your current pain at?:
My eyes... my hair is getting into my eyes... ow ow ow ow..

30. Do you like mustard?:
Hmm.. depends.. I hate the really bitter type... I like the zangy and hot type though!

31. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?:
Eat. YEAAAH. I so hate to sleep.. but sleep loves me. I can't help it.

32. Do you look like your mom or dad?:
Mum. Everybody thinks I look like my mum, though I don't think so. I don't know why.

33. How long does it take you in the shower?:
Ranges from 10 mins (in a rush) to 60 mins (hair, nails, scrub, condition, moisturize... you get it)

34. Can you do splits?:
Yeah. I can split a coconut, a peanut. wahaha.
NO. I can't.

35. What movie do you want to see right now?:
Spiderman 3! Though its nowhere near the release date =X

36. Do you put lotion on your dog or cats?:
I dont have dogs. OR cats. And no. I wont put lotion on them. Wth!

38. Do you think The Grudge was scary?:
Quite. I'd rate it the second most scariest show next to The Ring.

39. What was the cause of your last accident?
(anywayz, to May, the last doer of this quiz : OUCH!)
hmm.... I was at the gym, and I accidentally toppled a bunch of free weights and it fell 1.4 m down on my toe.
ow. Luckily I had my shoe on.

40. Do you own a camera phone?:
Yup! And Dominic loves my phone more then me.

41. What are you drinking?:
err. nothing.?

42. Was your mom a cheerleader?
wow. I would like to imagine so. But no. If not, the mega good looking, flawless complexion, sculptured physique genes so inherent in cheerleaders would have passed on to me already.

43. What's the last letter of your middle name?:
middle name. hmm... I'd like it to be J.
Cool right? Andrew J. Hui.
[gettit? : AJ hui.]

44. Who did you vote for on American Idol?
CLAY AIKEN!! hm.. i never voted for anybody else since.

45. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
between 6-8 hours. I love my 8 hours of sleep. makes me really awake to take the day head-on =)

46. Do you like care bears?:
yucks. No. I dont like care bears. But I like their opening song.. xD

47. What do you buy at the movies?:
Nachoes, Tacoes, Hot Dogs, Drinks, Ice Cream.. I bet you wonder why I dont include popcorn. Its because I'm completely sick of it.

48. Do you know how to play poker?:
yah. but i suck at it.

49. Do you wear your seatbelt?:
huh? What belt? ehh... whats that leather strap there for?

50. What do you wear to sleep?
short, or pyjamas. If its hot, I'll sleep in shorts. If my brother wants to keep the air con on, I'll sleep in my PJs.
(oh btw. Tata Young sleeps in Pooh Bear PJs. I got that from her from an interview with her today =X)

51. Anything big ever happen in your hometown?:
YES. GST increased from 5% to 7%. WTH?? sian diao lah!

52. How many meals do you eat a day?:
1 meal to 5 meals.

53. Is your tongue pierced?
NOOO!! NEVER!! NEVER EVER PIERCE THE PLACE WHERE 1/2 YOUR ENJOYMENT COMES FROM!

54. Do you always read MySpace bulletins?:
... I hardly log into Myspace. I think its full of Americans. Too full.

55. Do you like funny or serious people better?:
Funny! =) I like some seriousness inside too.. as in. When I talk about serious stuff, I want that person to be serious too..

56. Ever been to LA?:
No...

57. Did you eat a cookie today?:
Yup! Cookie with crispy outside and custardy insides!

58. Do you use cuss words in other languages?
what is cuss words? hmm

59. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads?
hmm. I dont pay for downloads. I think its lame. So.. there's the other option.......

60. Do you hate chocolate?
NO! how can anybody hate chocolate... he or she must have had a very deprived childhood.

61. What do you and your parents fight about the most?:
err. Over my grandmother.
Its irritating. I mean my grandmother.

62. Is your cell usually on vibrate or ring?:
Vibrate. ALWAYS on vibrate. It only rings in the morning to give me a morning splash.

63. Are you a gullible person?:
Hmm. Its hard to lie straight to me in the face, coz I have a wierd sense of emotions.
I read faces like a combination of mathematics and languages...
But I guess I get cheated by the most simplest of things... especially when its right in front of me...

64. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?:
(To may again : Yeah. I think so too)
Yup, I need him to feel happy. I've nver been happier before, and I dont think I'd ever be so happy without him as well.


=)


Quiz time over!